Earlier today, the Canonn Press Office (that would be me!) received a message that made my jaw drop to the floor.
No other introduction can do it justice – so, here we go:
FAO: The Canonn Council,
Subject: Charitable Donation
We are an anonymous group of serial philanthropists who use our wealth to support the best and brightest of the galactic community. Our work spans science, business and domestic spheres across varieties of systems – including independents and those aligned to all three major factions.
We have been watching your work with interest over this past 11 months and have been very impressed with both the way the Canonn has conducted itself, and the breakthroughs it has made.
You do not keep research to yourselves: instead you have proven time and again your commitment to sharing with everyone, regardless of allegiance. Not only that, but you have also sought to recognise the work of others wherever credit is due, refusing to be drawn into petty popularity contests.
In today’s age of half-truths, cover-ups and redactions – you show what humanity can achieve when it works for the common good, and we hope that more people will take your lead.
So we are dismayed to see Dr Arcanonn himself forced into hiding because of threats on his life. We have been researching the group known as the Penitents of Remor Veld and have, like you, been unable to find anything concrete – if we learn anything we will pass it to you through this channel we have opened today.
But we’re contacting you now to offer a better solution: Why don’t you build a dedicated secure research lab for Dr Arcanonn and his research teams?
Of course, building a station or planetary base is a complicated and expensive endeavour, but that’s where we come in: We’re offering the lab equipment, design expertise, the manual labour and the tools to build it. All you’d need to do is to get the raw material – the metals.
We are not looking for control over your work, nor to get any inside knowledge on anything you’re doing. We will not charge you to occupy the station or base once its built. We will not tell you where to put it.
Once it’s built and working, we step away and let you get on with what you do best, then continue to enjoy the fruits of your labour through the public news, just like everyone else.
Of course, we do not expect you to take us at our word – this will obviously seem to intelligent people like you that this is an offer too good to be true.
So, as a show of trust, please find attached digitally signed idents from the key members of our group, which we ask you not to share. You will see, when you look each of us up, that we are prominent board members, CEOs and individuals from across the bubble. These idents cannot be faked, as you will know – so we hope this proves our intentions are true.
We also attach the contact details of a few other organisations we’ve helped, so you can obtain references from them to establish our sincerity.
Please respond to this message to tell us if you wish to proceed. We can begin the process of bringing all the resources required to start work within hours.
…what can you say to that!?
The message has been forwarded to the Council and Dr Arcanonn for consideration. I’ve only been able to reach one councillor so far, who wished to remain anonymous, who said:
If this is genuine, I’ll eat my Hauler. On a live feed, with a plastic spoon. Whilst sitting on a Varatian elephant. Backwards.
I have checked up each of the idents that were attached, however – and they all check out. All of the people involved are very well-known and very powerful people.
The references they supplied were, again, all well-known organisations, and the people I spoke to were all adamant that the offer is genuine, and that we should take it.
We await the collective wisdom of the Council
What do you think? Should we go for it?